Ever felt frustrated as a married couple because now you need to, not just think about yourselves, but also the whole family? My family AND Hubby’s family wants to see us over special holidays. Don’t get me wrong… we LOVE spending time with each and every one of them. However, let’s take Christmas for example…
Now, first of all…if everyone lived in the same area this would have been easier because this way you can arrange one day where the whole family could meet up and have Christmas together. But in our case, it is not that simple.
You see, Mother in Law and Grandmother in Law lives in the North West and my parents lives in Gauteng. They are a couple of hours apart. To expect the one half to go all the way to the other half of the family is not even a question…because remember now, I have a sister and Hubby has 2 brothers. So, one day when we are all married and have families of our own where should the Families go NOW???
We implemented the following rule since we knew the relationship is getting serious. The rule that we would spend one Christmas with my parents, and one Christmas with his. And it all seemed well when we decided on this because “Hey! Now we have it all planned out and we will never have a problem to get to both families… “. What we didn’t realize is that this meant that we would only have Christmas together and alone every 3 years… And what if we decide to travel over the Christmas that we set out for either of them? Oops! Now what?
Because of this rule, we spent Christmas with my Parents in 2019 and we will spend Christmas with Hubby’s family in 2020. For now, this works great…but…what about when our kiddies arrive? We would want to take them on special holidays over Christmas often, too and this will definitely change the game a bit.
This raises the question again of how do we plan these events in the future to keep everyone happy?
What Hubby and I realized in our first few months of marriage is that it is super important to choose US! Otherwise we end up in situations like family holidays, or different events our friends asked us to join. Where do we go? Who do we please this time? And we end up trying to please everyone around us and forget that WE are important too. What do WE want?
To put this in perspective…Hubby and I probably only had about 2 or 3 full weekends at home, alone in the first 4 months of the marriage… We ended up frustrated and started to get irritated over the smallest most unnecessary situations at home…and who ends up hearing it…US! This is why we realized that change is needed.
It can be difficult, but I think If you sit together and think about what YOU want for a moment, you would easily figure out what you want to do because obviously we would like to go to the event that we BOTH will enjoy. Or even if you JUST DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING you can decide that easily and say NO! It is okay to choose each other above all else. This is indeed who you wanted to spend every event in your life with. Not true?
Remember, your spouse is your person and family and friends around you should understand and respect this. Choose US! And remember to think about US first before you decide on anything. Your friends and family have other people in their lives to spend time with to. Don’t put too much pressure on your relationship by putting others before your spouse and yourself.
We still need to figure this out ourselves. This is just a few things we already realized, and luckily early in the marriage. Now we can talk about it and figure it out as we go.